You Say You Want a Revolution

So I was talking to my "foster" dad about the War in Iraq. Now I don't mind a friendly debate, but there is a line and be prepared when you crossed it with me. You see I have had family in the military since always and I a really strong supporter of it. I don't care if you are for or against the war because you have freedom of speech.

Anyways in the middle of this he flat out said the goal of the military is just to kill people. That just pissed me off because without a military our country would not be protected against the terrorists. what annoys me about these anti-war people is that if they hate our government so much then why don't they just move to fucking Canada? If I could I would be fighting over seas in Iraq because I appreciate what my friends and family are doing for this country. Go ahead and bitch back with your comments because of the first amendment.

Now if we weren't attacked on 9/11/2001 then I would probably have a different opinion about what's going on in Iraq, but I don't want another attack on our nation like that or of Pearl Harbor. No one wants to just go out and kill people without a motivation.

This includes serial killers like Ed Gein, Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy. They had some messed things happen to them. I don't support their actions, but being an insane individual as well, I can understand where they come from. the only time I truly support anything like cannibalism is if you are in a plane crashes on to a desert island with lack of vegetation, and you and only one other person survives.

I seriously feel like everybody is losing sight of what has been going on for the past eight years and forget what they are even fighting for.

I just don't know anymore

So lately I feel like I can't recognize myself anymore, like I am different and can't tell whether this is good or not. I just feel so lost and don't know what I should do. I know that my new friends like who I am, but still. Last year I was a die hard History major and today I am a die hard Theater major. I mean I have always loved the theater, really I have.

I am also starting to process a shit load of painful memories like of my dad. As weird as that sounds I blocked everything out that he did to me until this summer when I did this seminar through a program called Lifestream. They have a website www.lifestreamrochester.com .

It's just I don't think I am ready to deal with anything and just want to break down and cry all the time, but can't unless I am pushed over the edge. I just feel like one of these days I am going to fall on my face.

Right now every single thought is suicide. I say I won't go through with it. I've been struggling with these thoughts my whole life and every year it is getting harder to find a reason to continue on. I realize suicide is selfish and maybe that is the only reason I haven't gone through with it. Now I have people telling me I have no right to feel the way I do without letting me explain anything to them and driving me to feel even worse.